Changing any part of your name is quite the process, I’m reposting to give you all the deets I’ve learned in the last 6 months.
Changing the last name sparked quite the conversation on C.R.A.F.T. facebook. From what I gather, there are 3 main camps on the issue:
- Take his last name
- Hyphenate names
- Keep your last name
I chose none of those options. I’m officially Jamie Smith Dorobek, 2 last names, no hyphen. I plan on only using Dorobek for the day to day. I’m here to tell you there are lots of ways to do the last name thing.
How to Change Your Last Name (and should you?)
If you’re new here, welcome! We got married, in our own special way, on 2-22-2012. Lots more details here, the wedding announcement and plan is here, and then Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 of the living room ceremony. You can find more on the wedding after math here: DIY thank you cards, how to change your last name, and the super simple wedding scrapbook.
Things I considered when deciding on a new last name
- I own a house in my maiden name, and I wanted that to be a part of my official name. With the hopes of avoiding any confusion.
- I worked at a 70% Hispanic high school where most last names were hyphenated. It often led to teacher confusion, and I decided I did not want this for my kids.
- I wanted our family to have one family name. Traveling abroad with a child, without your surname, means more paperwork. See more info here.
- Jamie Smith is super simple and easy to say and you rarely have to spell it out.
- Jamie Smith is super common. 13 Jamie Smith’s in Anthropolgie’s computer in Austin, TX alone.
- I wanted a simple personal email address. My previous email included numbers and an underscore.
- Andy wanted me to take his last name.
Here are the steps for changing anything about your name
- First, you need to change your name on your social security card.
- Wait until you receive your marriage license in the mail. For me, this took one month from the wedding date.
- Fill out the Social Security 5 form. Download and fill out the SS-5 form here. Your new card will be free.
- Bring this form and your original or certified copy of your marriage license to your local social security office. You can also mail in the forms. Find your local office here with your zip code.
- I received my new card about 3 weeks later.
Other documents that need to be updated with your new last name
- Passport
- Driver’s License
- Bank Accounts
- Credit Cards
- Employer- 401K, insurance
- Investment accounts
- Car insurance (You can’t do this until you have a DL with your new last name.)
- Airline Mileage Accounts- I had no idea what a pain in the butt this was going to be. And no one ever said I needed to do it, but you kind of have to. Obviously you don’t want to make brand hew accounts with your new name because then you would loose all of your previous miles. Here’s the low down on how to change your name with the individual airlines:
-United: Allows you to e-mail a copy of your marriage license to [email protected] (more info)
-American: Fax a copy of your marriage license to 817-963-7882
-Delta: Fax a copy of your marriage certificate to 404-773-1945
-Jet Blue: Call 1-800-538-2583 and they will change your name over the phone.
-Southwest: Send a copy of your marriage license to Rapid Rewards, P.O. Box 36657, Dallas, TX 75235.
More tips on changing your last name
- I blacked out our SSN’s on the marriage license to send to the airlines. They don’t need that info, and I didn’t feel comfortable with it floating around cyber space.
- Don’t forget to make each other the beneficiaries on all accounts
- Get 2 marriage licenses, it’s just handy to have an extra. You have to send one to the passport people.
There you have it, all you ever needed to know about changing your last name. Whahoo! It’s a lot of work. I still need to change my DL and work on a few airlines. Where are you in the name changing process? Or did you decide that name changing is not for you?
The social security lady told me that if in a year or two I am tired of having 2 last names I can change it to either one. So far, it is no big deal… but it has only been about 3 weeks. She made it sound like I can do anything I want with my name. I like that. What did you do? Are you happy with your decision? You can change it again whenever you want! What did you consider when changing (or not changing) your name? I’m very curious…
Comments & Reviews
The name change thing is a big ol' pain in the butt 🙂
I did something similar to you, but instead I moved my last name to be an additional middle name. My husband thinks it's kind of weird for me to have four names now, but I earned a college degree with my maiden name and I wasn't ready to throw it (or my middle name)away!
I always love hearing all the differet perspectives on this issue. When I got married, I had absolutely NO sentimental attachment to my middle name so I dropped it and made my maiden name my middle name. That way, I still have it but I have my husband's name as well.
My SIL though wanted to keep her middle name AND her maiden name AND take her husband's name. So, she has a middle name + 2 last names.
Glad you found an option that works for you 🙂
I am not married yet, but am in a serious relationship where marriage is talked about. I love my last name and find it hard to part with it. I even have it tattooed on my foot (it is a nickname, etc). I really like the idea of the double last name or the hyphenated idea. My sister was married in 2009 and has not yet changed her name but her students call her by her maiden name or they just say 'miss' because of the culture there (Mexico), but she also hyphenates her name too. I think that it really shouldn't matter what you do as long as it works for you. I also told my bf that if he really wanted he could take my last name (ha when pigs fly). Why is it that guys don't take the wife's last name? Who made this rule of 'you have to take my name'? It is an interesting topic.
Natalie
I did exactly what you did, keeping both my middle and maiden name and adding my married name onto the end. At school, I'm Mrs. [husband's name}, socially, it depends on when someone met me. I've always strongly identified with my middle name (after both grandmothers) and maiden name and didn't want to lose any of them!
What will your kids last name be? Coming from divored parents it's confusing for the kids in school To have different last names than their parents, mine was simple, I love my family but I never liked my last name and I thought it was ugly, and I really liked my husbands name so I totally dropped it! You could always drop it then do it for a middle name or your kids
I tacked his on at the end, but I only use my first/his last on a day-to-day basis. With passports, dual citizenships, a BA/MA with one name, teaching certification with the other, I thought it best to have both.
I started my first student teaching position right after we got back from our honeymoon, so it was a great time to switch. My students didn't know differently, and I got used to being called by that name. :o)
I was super excited to take his last name so that we, as a family, had the same name. WE are the Johnson Family. I felt that if I would have kept my last name, it would be like I was not fully committed to the marriage. Like I was saving my name just in case…that is just MY opinion. to each his own!
I love my whole name. I think that when the time comes for me to get married, I will try to make my maiden name a second middle name, or even have two last names. Also, on my dad's side of the family, out of him and his 4 siblings, only my dad and my Uncle Mike are the guys. My dad had two daughters, and my uncle doesn't have kids.. so it's the end of the name, so I want to keep it as long as possible.
Also, I totally didn't know about all of the info about traveling with a child who has a different last name than you… so interesting! I'll have to keep that in mind when I become a mom!
I wanted to change my middle name to my maiden name. My mom FREAKED at this. So I decided to have two middle names. I was happy and she didn't feel like I was just throwing away something that was meaningful to her {really, how meaningful can Marie with no family connection be?}. I'm thrilled. I like that it makes me special. Plus, my new last name, which is super boring, is hidden in a corner on my DL. People don't quite know what to do with two middle names and online forms don't compensate for two middle initials. Oh, and don't get me started on how hard it was to convince the nurse who checked me in for an emergency c-section that I really did legally have two middle names. Despite the problems, I'm happy with the choice I made.
There is no right way 🙂 You gotta do what feels good for you! Initials staying the same would be nice… I hadn't thought about thought! I guess my official new initials are JMSD!
I did basically what you did. My maiden name is my middle name and I dropped my middle name. I like it that way.
I am getting married in 3 weeks. I am changing my last name, it means a LOT to him and honestly its something that I will cherish.
I will admit it will be so strange to write my new last name for a while, but I feel it shows my commitment to him and the marriage. His parents are divorced and remarried (dad is now divorced again) and mine have been married for 35 years going on 36… together for 40.
I love my middle name so I won't take my last name as my middle.
However for my business it is JKessel.. and I will not be changing my name for that even though he asked me if I would be. I told him that I would keep it the way it is, since it is something I have worked hard to build. And this way I can keep my original last name with something I created and cherish also.
I think its up to the woman and what they want. For me, its how I was raised so its the norm for me, however I know a lot of married women that kept their last name. 🙂
I did the same as a lot of other commenters… made my maiden name my middle name and took his last name. Actually, I never even considered or thought about doing anything else. I didn't even know there was a discussion out there about it until pretty recently when I've noticed that some people completely drop their maiden names. I would have liked to keep my original middle name but having 4 names just seemed confusing to me. Now after 4.5 years of marriage, I think of myself as Jenna hislastname and hardly remember what it was like to be Jenna maidenname!
I had my paperwork filled out to do that, but the ss lady convinced me to keep Smith Dorobek as 2 last names! I kept my middle name too. My official name is 4 names long.
I have four names too, I just have two middle names now instead of two last names. Does Andy ever tease you about it? My husband thinks it’s so dumb and tedious, but I love keeping every part of my identity. Plus, Spaniards often have five or more names, so four is no big deal for this whitey!
I think Andy is just happy I took his last name! (I told him I wouldn’t for a long time!)
I wish the SS lady had told me about not hyphenating! I regret changing my name and am planning on reverting or removing the hyphen. I’m just south of you in San Antonio and everyone I’ve talked to (no lawyers yet) thinks I’m crazy for wanting my name back. To me, it’s an identity thing. And, I’ve been told by a well-wisher that if I remove the hyphen, I can use either name (or both) on legal documents in the future and don’t actually have to change anything! (I don’t know if this is true – am researching lawyers now, actually so will update if you wish).
So glad I found someone in TX that can relate!
Terri! I’m pretty happy with my decision… I guess I was just lucky that I had such a nice SS lady that day 🙂 If I were you, I’d just walk into the social security office and try to remove the hyphen or revert… whatever you decide. I don’t think you need a lawyer, but then again I’m not an expert! High five to Texas!
your comment made me laugh 🙂 you can keep your name for whatever reason you want!
i use my maiden name as my middle name…thats the way it is on my social security card…it works for me…
I have gone through a lot with my name. I have always been called by my middle name and when my mom filed for my SS card she used my middle name instead of my first. When I got married, I just started using my maiden name as a 3rd name and took my hubby's name, then went by middle name still. That gave me trouble in one of the states I lived that demanded my social match my driver's license and demanded I go to court to officially change my name to what they wanted it to be (this was after they had already issued me a license four years earlier without any of those demands). Um, no. We were moving anyway so when I got to our new state they told me I could do whatever I wanted with the middle names, but I did have to use my first name because it is listed on my birth certificate. This means my DL has all four names. When I vote, I have to sign all four names. For everything else, I go by middle name, maiden name initial, married name. I've been married for almost 18 years now and other than the one state I haven't had much trouble with it. Every time we moved I take every official document I have, just in case, whenever filling out new information. I may have to explain it ten times but eventually they understood what I am explaining to them. Or maybe they just give me what I want to get rid of me.
What I ultimately learned out of the whole ordeal was to name my kids the name I wanted them to go by as a first name and when they get married they will have an easier time with getting things how they want them to be.
I didn't change mine. Socially I will go by whichever name you wish to call me. I get several family members who refer to me as Mrs. Bigbad. And while I like the Bigbad name, I doubt I'll ever change my name officially. I like raising the heckles of people who think I kept it for feminist reasons when truly I'm just too lazy to go through the trouble.
I took my husbands name and I never had two thoughts about it. Being a bit of a feminist too I just, to me it's romantic, I want us to have the same surname and I want our children to have the same name as me too. I think it unites us. But I also moved countries within a month of getting married, so in the UK a lot of my bank etc that are still there are in my surname and probably will be for some time. Although I really do need to sort my passport.
I kept my three and added his last name. Keeping who I was and adding, worked better for me, I think. No hyphen, just two last names to use as I choose.
🙂 Liz (Elizabeth Chaisson Thompson)
I think I will do like you. I will add my husband’s last name because i really love my name
I'd spent my whole life wishing for the day I would get married so I left my maiden name without any regrets 🙂 Despite my husband's name not being ideal, at least it is very unusual. I love that I'm his in every way and our family is a unit. Now, if my maiden name had been special in any way I might have had to improvise along the lines of what you did. But who knows? I'm very happy with my name now and it's been 8 years.
Thanks for sharing this, I got remarried 7 months ago and finally got all my work accounts updated just yesterday. There was so much to do! I didn't even consider my passport! Better get that done!
I changed my name and got a lot of grief from my classmates at Graduate school.
I changed my last name only because it was a trade up! I will be teaching my girls to keep their own names or do what you did if marrying a trade down last name – or trade it if they want and they think they are trading up. Might sound sill. but If I had married for example a siemens, or dyck or peabody I would have stuck with my maiden name. 🙂 Lots of work to remember all the documents that need changing though. Thankfully my initials stayed the same.
I moved my maiden name to my middle name and took my husbands last name. I think after 3 years the passport is the only thing I still need to change.The bank always messes it up. I've been a follower for some time now and just figured out you are here in Austin!!
I changed my last name and was excited for it, I love having a unique last name and letting go of my past. My middle name is from my mom's name so there is still heritage! If I ever weren't married anymore (not saying it will Ever happern!) I would still keep the name I took, as it's my child's last name now. We joke about people who take on crazy last names are really showing true love. 🙂 Congrats on getting married!
I took my husband's last name and never considered anything else! I loved starting a new family with him, and for me personally, that meant me taking his family name.
I did the same thing and kept my maiden name as my middle name. It'll be 3 years in June and I don't regret it a bit!
Hannah
I use my married name for everything but work. I decided that it was too hard to change my name for professional purposes so I kept my maiden name – no confusion.
Also, I am not sure how similar your laws are to ours but you still have responsibility for your maiden name even after you change it. Meaning you need to protect both names if you change.